Planning our wedding has been great fun thus far but definitely not without it’s difficulties breaking the heteronormativity that surrounds such an event. Here are the first of what I’m sure will be many tips I’ve picked up along the way.
Create your own traditions. Since there are no ‘social norms’ necessarily that have to be enforced you are free to create a day showcasing your love and however that is best represented. For example, we are still unsure of how we are going to walk down the isle since neither of us really want to be first (btw we would love ideas for that!)
When we first discussed our bridal party we researched options what to call everyone. We found everything from bridal attendant, man of honor, and bridesman, but in the end we came up with Bridesfellow. Create traditions that will represent your marriage not necessarily societies definition of marriage.
Etsy is your best friend. I can’t tell you many times I’ve had an idea in mind so I went and found something similar on Etsy then asked them to customize it. In fact, I contacted TheBrideOutlet for a shirt that said, “Two Brides are Better than One” and now they have a listing for both brides and grooms.
Don’t be offended if your venue or vendor has you fill out a very hetero form. Yes it’s annoying to be paying people money and the form still says bride and groom. However, I have gotten in the habit of re-making their form for them with the correct pronouns or whiting out the info that is not applicable to a same-sex wedding before returning the form filled out. We have the opportunity to educate businesses and make it easier for the next couple that comes around. We also have to give businesses the benefit of the doubt; most are uneducated and often times don’t know where to begin to get the right information. Now if they don’t get the hint and continue to be offensive that’s a different story.
Don’t give up on searching for music that fits you as a couple. First of all, do you know how difficult it is to find a love song with no male pronouns in it? Pretty near impossible. On one of our many road trips Krystal and I tackled the task of finding Father/Daughter songs, First Dance Songs, Grand Exit/Entrance songs that captured us but also didn’t reflect our heterosexual society. Here is what we found…if you know of more please feel free to share we are still on the look out.
In my Daughter’s Eyes by Martina McBride
Butterfly Kisses (only references is “She’ll change her name today”)
I loved Her First by Heartland
Same-Sex Love Songs
She Keeps me Warm by Mary Lambert (obviously)
I Choose You by Sara Barellies
I Won’t Give Up On You by Jason Marz
Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars
I Do by Colbie Callet
First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes
If all else fails do it yourself. Some of you may not be as DIY obsessed as I am but lots of the things I work on are so easy! For example I bought this banner at Hobby Lobby got some letter stencils and white paint and voila we have a personalized banner that costs about $5.00.
For our Engagement Party I wanted to make Mad Libs that the guests could fill out, but it was slightly ridiculous how much they wanted for a printable online. So I just made my own on Microsoft Publisher in about 30 minutes. Plus I got to combine all the things I like and remove what I didn’t. If you would like me to plug your names in it so you can use contact me and I will be more than happy to! (Engagement Party Mad Lib)
I know several of my friends out there are also in the midst of planning their own lesbian wedding and I would love to hear their advice, vendors they’ve used, or tips.
Two people making their own traditions for a beautiful wedding.